Unhindered Spirit
by Saharadesiderata
Summary: Takes place in an AU world where Jonathan and Clarissa Morgenstern are an 18 year old (almost) and 16 year old sibling pair, living in New York, growing up under their parents roof. This is the story of how they fall in love and where they go from there when tragedy strikes. A stand alone story. Strictly Clonathan. Warning: Lemons! Adult Subject Matter.
1. Chapter 1

Unbidden Kisses, Unstoppable Desire, Unrelenting Love

_Unbidden Kisses_

"Don't look at me _like that_!" I say, throwing a nerf ball at my brother.

"Like _what_ Clarissa?" He says, throwing it back.

"You _know_. You're a smart boy. I shouldn't have to _spell it out_ for you."

"Okay, baby sister, _you_ tell _me_ how I'm supposed to look at you then."

I sigh. "I don't know. Just don't look at me like I'm _lunch_ Jon, like you wanna _eat me up_. It's _unnerving_."

"You do the same thing Clarissa! You're such a _hypocrite_! Except you're even worse because I catch you watching me when I'm in my own room! You come in uninvited late at night and watch me. And you think _I'm _unnerving! Sheesh girl!"

"Yeah Jon, I come in, because I hear you calling my name, every night, Jonathan, only to find out it's because you're _touching yourself_ and _thinking about me_!"

"Yeah, well you never _leave_ when that happens. You stay and watch. So what does_ that_ say?"

"It says that I am just as messed up as you are, okay? This whole situation is so bad, and yet I just can't help it. I don't think you can either. It's like something that has a hold on us both and is drawing us constantly toward each other, and personally, I don't know how much longer I can _fight it_!" By this point we have gone from sitting across the room from each other to now, standing so close I can feel his hot breath on my neck.

"Then _don't_, Clarissa. Don't fight it anymore." He brushes a soft, tentative kiss against my lips, which I involuntarily turn up to meet his.

"I didn't ask for this, Jon. I don't want us to be such a mess. But here it is; this hot mess right here, is _our life_. I _want_ to fight it but you make me so _weak_. Weak in the knees, weak will, weak resolve, so weak, Jonathan. _I'm so weak_." I'm resting my head on his shoulder, while he kisses the back of my neck.

"Then feed off of my strength, baby girl. Let me strengthen you. Let my kisses make you strong."

"Oh_ Jonathan_, that's not the kind of strength I need! I need strength to resist you, not to give in."

"Are you sure about that? I think you need to have the strength right now to accept that, against all odds, you _need me_ as much as I need you. I think you need the strength to _succumb to me,_ my beautiful sister." He starts to test his boundaries, kissing along my shoulders and down my arms. I haven't said stop yet and I don't think I can.

He kisses back up to my collar bone and this time, starts trailing kisses down my chest. My knees give out under the bliss of his touch and he catches me and lowers us both to the ground. "All you have to do is tell me yes or no, so I know what to do. I will give you _whatever_ you from me, Clarissa, even if what you want from me right now is nothing. I promise. Just say the word."

"Oh Jonathan, I can't say no to you. I think you know that. But I can't, in good conscience, say yes either."

_Unstoppable Desire_

"Okay, well unless you say otherwise, then I'm going to take your _silence_ as consent. I think it's time, Clarissa. I think it's time I do to you, my sister, all of the things that I've wanted to do to you for so, so long now. I think it's time that you and I experience each other in every possible way. I think it's time I touch you, like _this_."

"Oh! Mmmn!"

"And yes, I think it's time you whimper for me, just like _that_."

"Uhhn!"

"And how about when I touch you _here_? How does _that_ feel?"

"So good, Jonathan! So, so goood!"

"Oh Clarissa, let's take this somewhere more comfortable, okay?"

"Mmm hmm!" He scoops me up and carries me into his bedroom, which happens to have a queen size bed in it. He gently lies me down on the bed and starts removing my clothing. Soon, we are lying together, mostly naked and he is kissing me furiously as if I'm about to vanish forever. It is like I am a treasure he has been longing to get his hands on.

* * *

><p>"Clarissa, I need to ask you something now, okay?" He stops completely and just holds me, waiting for me to answer him.<p>

"Ask me anything." I sigh, longing for him to begin touching me again.

"Okay, have you ever been intimate with anyone before?" I know what he isn't saying, he wants to know if I'm a virgin or not. Surprisingly, I'm hesitant to tell him. It shouldn't be a big deal; he's my brother after all. He'll probably be happy to hear that I'm a virgin. But on the other hand, he's also a guy and I know that right now, in this moment, he is probably asking because he wants to have sex. And if I tell him I haven't before, he may end this right now. I don't know what to say, so I'm silent for a moment while I consider the question and its implications.

"Hey, Sweety, it's okay. I didn't mean to intimidate you, I was just curious, that's all. And we don't have to do _anything_ that you don't want to, okay?" He smiles reassuringly at me.

"Oh Jon, you haven't intimidated me, I'm just worried because I feel like, once you know how inexperienced I am, you might hold back and I don't want you to." I smile shyly.

"Wait, you're upset because you're afraid I'll find out you're a virgin and stop touching you? Clary, do you think being a virgin is a bad thing?" He seems confused so I guess I'd better explain.

"Not necessarily, it's just that at this point, I don't want to be one anymore and I'm worried that as my brother, that might not be something you want to take from me, so you might stop before I want you to. That's all." I sigh.

"Wait a second, you're telling me that rather than having the typical teenage girl fears that the guy is going to want to go _too far_, you're saying, you're actually worried that I won't want to go _far enough_?" He laughs.

"It's not funny, Jonathan! Yes, that's what I'm afraid of. Is it unfounded? Should I _not_ be worried?" I pout.

"No, no, I get it, it makes sense, Clarissa. We're in a unique situation here. As well as being the guy with my hands all over you right now, I am also your brother, and you're worried that as the protective older brother, I'm not going to want to take such a drastic step because I don't want to hurt you, or put you in a position of doing something that you might regret later, right?" He asks.

"Yes! That's exactly it, thank you for understanding Jonathan! I love that you know exactly how I feel." I grin.

"No problem, my beautiful baby sister. I love you, so much Clarissa." He says softly, pushing aside a lock of my hair. "Which is why, I want to give you your heart's desire. So tell me, my Love, what _exactly_ do you desire me to do to you right now?" He smiles knowingly.

"Mmmm, well, let's see…" I laugh, pretending to be thinking it over. "How about you start right _here_?" I say, taking his hand and sliding it up my thigh and farther. He takes the cue and begins his ministrations, first tentatively, then more intentionally.

"Uh huh, that's good so far…" I ponder. "Maybe now, I'd like to see somewhat more of you!" I plead, pulling at his boxer shorts. He indulges me and sheds them off. "Oooh, nice view!" I croon.

"And now what would you like, my sister?" He asks, gazing deeply into my eyes, searching my soul.

"You, Jonathan, _all of you_, my brother. Pretty please?" I pout.

"Oh alright Clarissa, since you asked _so nicely_. But _you have to be sure_ that this is what you want, Sweety. Is it? Because if even a small part of you is the slightest bit hesitant, then it's not a good idea, okay?" He says, slowly and clearly, making sure I pay attention and watching my eyes for any sign of doubt of uncertainty.

"Jon, this _is_ what I want. _You _are what I want, and I _am _sure. I am very sure, Jon. And believe me, I know what I'm getting myself into here, okay? I paid very close attention in health class. I know all about how the first time hurts and all the risks etc. and I'm telling you loud and clear that this _is _what I want, okay?" I smile ear to ear so that he knows how serious I am.

"Okay, Baby, I just wanted to be sure. I'm glad you know your own mind. And if you decide it's too much, you are entitled to change your mind at _any time_ okay? Even after we've already started and I just want to be sure you know that, okay?" He says, running his hands gently through my hair.

"Okay, Jon, thank you. And I'm ready now."

He is as gentle with me as possible for my first time. It does hurt but not too bad. And pretty soon it feels _too good_ for me to focus on the pain anymore. I can hardly believe this is happening to me for the first time and that it is my brother that I'm doing this with! It feels incredible but it is also incredibly surreal. I feel like a goddess with the worshipful way he holds me and the wonderful sweet nothings he whispers in my ear as we become one.

But at the same time, I feel so strange, like this isn't happening to me, like I'm watching it happening to someone else. It's really bizarre and I'm not sure if it's a good feeling or not. It isn't necessarily bad, just strange. I realize that this crazy thought process is taking me out of the moment and away from Jonathan, so I focus on finding my way back to the pleasure he is bringing me. Soon, that's all I can think about, as I reach my peak and so does he.

We stay together for quite some time, silently, listening to the sounds of each other's breathing and our two hearts beating as one. It's quite euphoric and peaceful and I fall asleep in the arms of my brother, who is now, also, my lover.

_Unrelenting Love_

When I wake up, it's to the sound of voices. It takes me a while to remember where I was when I fell asleep. Soon, as I regain consciousness and become fully awake, I realize that I am still in Jonathan's room. More specifically, in Jonathan's arms. More _importantly_, we are not alone in the room. I look towards the door and see both of our parents standing with their arms folded in the doorway. _Oh shit! _I begin to panic and nudge Jonathan awake.

"Huh? What's wrong Babe?" He says groggily, rubbing his eyes.

"Take a look for yourself." I whisper and turn his face to where I've been looking.

"Oh, hey guys. What time is it, we're not late for school, are we?" He says casually.

"No, Jonathan, you're not late for school. Now would you care to explain WHAT IN SAM HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE?" Our mother screams at him.

"Whoa, momma, easy there tiger, you don't have to bite his head off, okay?" I say, trying to calm her down.

"I don't do I?" She says mellowing somewhat. "So, you don't think there is anything WRONG with this picture, Clarissa?" She says, turning her anger on me now.

"Not personally, but obviously the two of you do. And mother, I have four words for you. NO FAMILY IS PERFECT. So, would you rather your children were, oh I dunno, say, serial killers or demon worshipers or suicidal or working for the mob or skinheads? In fact I can think of about a million things worse than having two kids who love each other too damn much, Mother! Can't you?" I sigh, collapsing back into Jonathan's arms. He holds onto me protectively.

"You know, Jocelyn, the child has a point." Our father says, speaking for the first time since the fighting started. "I mean, look at them. This isn't coercion; this isn't something violent or evil, no one's been forced into anything here. _Look at them_. They are simply _in love, _Jocelyn. That's more than even you and I could say in the _very_ beginning." He says the last part so quietly I don't think we were meant to hear it. I wonder what it means but decide not to push my luck.

"I hate to say you might be right, especially when I think of what this will do to their _prospects_, not to _mention _our social life. But sadly, you might just be right, Valentine. I suppose we can't fault them for how they feel, really. But society will. You two realize that, don't you?" Our Mother relents.

"Meh, what they don't know won't hurt them." Jon says, rubbing my shoulders reassuringly.

"Okay, fine. I guess this is the time when the unconditional love of parenthood is run through the ringer. Well, we knew the other shoe had to drop eventually; you've both been exceptionally good kids up to now. And I'd rather it be this than finding out you're mass murderers, Clary's right about all of that for sure." She laughs tiredly.

"Oh, well don't look in my closet then." Jon teases. I swat at him playfully. "Besides, you know if it bothers you a lot, you really don't have to deal with it for long, I'm almost old enough to sign a lease on a place of my own, we could take our dysfunction elsewhere if you'd both prefer?" He asks.

"Nope, not until Clary's eighteen you won't. At least if you're here, I can make sure she gets on birth control and we can keep all of this on the down low. Who knows, maybe in time you'll outgrow each other?" She says hopefully.

"Doubtful, but we'll stay for now if you're both sure you want us to?" I ask.

"Yes, Clarissa, of course we want you here. But this is going to be treated as we would any teenage relationship which means no sleepovers in each other's rooms do you hear? And you'll keep the door open from now on when you spend time together, alright? We're not naïve enough to think we can keep you from ever getting physical, obviously, but that doesn't mean you need to behave like rabbits, understand?" Father asks.

"Yes Sir." Jon says.

"Yes Daddy." I nod.

"Good, then we'll get out of your hair while you make yourselves presentable and you can meet us in the kitchen for breakfast in twenty minutes, capisci?" He states.

"Si, capisco." I say.

* * *

><p>"You ready?" Jon asks me as we are about to head downstairs to face our parents, this time fully dressed.<p>

"Ready as I'll ever be!" I laugh.

"You know I love you don't you? I love with every breath I take, Clarissa. I have loved you every moment of my life. And I will love you until our dying day. I love you in every way possible and I always will." He says, standing in my arms at the top of the stairs, taking my hands in his.

"I know Jonathan. And I love you with all the depth of my heart and soul, and I will love you eternally, my brother." I smile.

"Then let's get going, my sister!" He says, playfully smacking my ass.

"With pleasure!" I say as I begin to descend the stairs and abruptly lose my footing. I plummet over the side of the banister and experience the sensation of falling briefly before everything suddenly goes black.


	2. Chapter 2

Uninterrupted Solitude, Unstable Condition, Uncertain Future

_Uninterrupted Solitude_

_I'm sitting on a swing at the playground. "Higher, Jonathan!" I call to him. "I want under duckies!" I laugh._

_ "Clary baby, I'm too tired for under ducks. I've been pushing you so long, my arms hurt. I'm sorry." He sighs._

_ "Jonathan, can't you just push me one more time?" I pout._

_ "Okay, fine Clary. I'll push you one time, just one time… Right down the stairs!" He says. _

_Everything fades and we're standing at the top of the stairs._

_ "Are you ready Clary?" He asks._

_ "Ready as I'll ever be, Jon." I laugh._

_ "Then let go!" He says and pushes me._

_ "Jon, look at me, I can fly!"_

_ "You sure can, little angel."_

_ "You'll catch me, right?"_

_ "Yes Baby, I'll be right there to catch you."_

_ I'm lying on the floor and looking up at a bright white light. I feel the moist trickle of blood flowing from my mouth._

_ "You didn't catch me Jon."_

_ "I'm right here, Baby. I'm right here with you"_

_ The floor becomes snow and I'm lying on my back in it, laughing and making snow angels._

_ "Look, Jon, look how pretty I can make them."_

_ "You sure can, Clary. They're pretty just like you are."_

_ "And they're my angels, just like how I'm your angel."_

_ "That's right Sweetheart. You'll always be my angel girl."_

_ "The snowflakes tickle my eyes Jon."_

_ "Then shut your eyes, Baby."_

_ "Okay, my eyes are shut."_

_ "Okay, good. Now no peeking!"_

_ "Silly Jonathan, I never peek!"_

_ "Good girl. Okay, now come and find me!"_

_ I am wandering through the dark calling out to him._

_ "Jonathan, where are you?"_

_ "I'm right here Clary, come and find me!"_

_ "Jon, I can't find you!"_

_ "Just follow the sound of my voice."_

_ "Jon, I'm scared! Jonathan?"_

_ "You just need to find your way back to me. I know you can"_

_ "But it's so quiet and peaceful here. Why don't you come and find me, Jon?"_

_ "Clary, Baby, I can't follow you where you're going. That's why I need you to come back to me."_

_ "But Jon, I don't know the way!"_

_ "You'll figure it out Sweety. I believe in you. And I'll be right here waiting when you do."_

_ "It's a long way back Jonathan. And I'm tired. Can't I just please rest a while longer?"_

_ "No Clary! The longer you sleep, the harder this will be."_

_ "It might be too hard Jon. Maybe I should just say goodbye?"_

_ "No! Baby, I need you! Don't you quit on me, okay? Promise!"_

_ "I don't know Jonathan, I don't know if I can."_

_ "Yes! You can, just promise me you'll come back. I want you to get better, so I can take you home."_

_ "Home?"_

_ "Yes, Baby. Home, the place where we can be together."_

_ "Um, Jon, I think I might be headed to a different home."_

_ "No, you're stronger than this! I know you, Baby. I know you can fight this. Just give it all you've got! For me?"_

_ "Okay Jon. I'll try."_

_ "Not good enough Clary! I need you to promise."_

_ "Okay, fine! I promise!"_

_ "That's better. Now open your eyes!"_

_Unstable Condition_

I awake to the steady beep, beep, beep of the computer screens. I imagine they're keeping tabs on my vitals. The entire top half of my body hurts and I vaguely remember falling, so I know I must be in the hospital. I can't open my eyes though. I think there are bandages over my face. Instead I clear my throat so anyone nearby will know I'm awake.

"_Clary!?_" It's Jonathan's voice and I realize he's been holding my hand. He must've been asleep.

"Jon? Hey! How's it going?" I say weakly and try to smile but my face hurts.

"Amazing, now that you're awake! They've been saying how crucial these first 48 hours are and that if you could just wake up, it'd be a miracle and so I've been trying so hard to get through to you. Talking to you, holding your hand, even tried crappy attempts at singing. Until recently nothing worked. I fell asleep and was dreaming about you and that I was telling you to wake up and then you really woke up, though I'm sure there was no connection. I'm just so glad you're awake."

"Yeah, me too. Jon, how bad is it?"

"The truth?"

"Always."

"It's pretty bleak Baby. You landed twice, first time on the banister, then on the floor. You basically flew through the banister and shattered a couple of ribs and then when you hit the floor, a loose rib logged in your spine. They've done two operations on you now, they operated to remove the rib so your spinal cord wouldn't be further severed but it was _partially severed_ at the L4 level. So, you may be able to _eventuall_y walk again. They also operated on your right arm, which you broke in three places. So now you have some metal in your arm from now on but it'll be back to normal otherwise in a month or two. The main things they were worried about was internal bleeding and infection. They stopped the bleeding when they did the main operation, so now we just have to watch for clots. As for infection, they have you on a steady dose of antibiotics so that should help just in case."

I don't know at what point I started crying but I'm so water logged now that Jonathan is literally sopping up the river of tears with a Kleenex.

"So how much of my body should I be able to feel then?" I ask.

"It varies and they were planning to test you more when you regained consciousness, but probably not much below your abdomen right now.

"Okay, yeah cuz there is like a wall around the level of my belly button. Above that everything hurts like a bitch but below that, there's like, _nothing_." I say, trying not to panic.

"Yeah and that's perfectly normal for your type of injury. You may get some of that feeling back but it's not certain if you will, okay?" I nod.

"Are Mom and Dad here?" I ask. Everyone has probably been worried sick about me.

"Yes, they're just down in the cafeteria. I will page the nurse to come and check on you and have them page Mom and Dad because I'm not leaving your side, okay?"

"Thanks Jon." I say, managing another nod.

"No thanks necessary, I love you _so much_ Baby." He smiles.

"Even though I'm an invalid now?" I smirk?

"You're not an invalid, Clary, you've just been injured, that's all, okay?"

"Yes Sir. I stand corrected." I salute with my unbroken arm. I figure, the only way I'll get through this is with humor so hopefully he can put up with my antics.

"Wake me up when they get here okay? I'm just gonna shut my eyes for a bit." I say.

"Anything you say, my fair Lady." He says, softly petting my hair. I close my eyes and sleep.

_Uncertain Future_

"She's awake? They said she was _awake,_ Jon?" I heard my mother's frantic voice entering the room. I open my eyes to see her and Dad come rushing in.

"Hey Mom, I was just snoozing but yeah, I'm awake now." I smile.

"Oh thank God! Oh honey, we were so worried!" She says coming to sit beside me on the edge of the bed.

"I know it must have been _awful_ for you guys." I sigh. Not happy to have been the cause of my family's pain.

"Oh, no, we had it easy. You're the one who got the raw deal. And Jon's been a rock. He hasn't left your side, Clary. He won't even take a bathroom break unless one of us is here and even then he uses your bathroom in the room because it's closer! Your father and I are less resilient. We even take lunch breaks, I'm sorry to say it." She chides herself.

"Yes and what a fine time for us to have been off munching fish sticks when our baby girl was finally waking up!" Dad shakes his head and comes over beside Mom.

"Hey, you couldn't have known, guys, so knock it off, okay?" I smile reassuringly.

"Okay." Mom nods. "So, did Jonathan fill you in on your condition, or would you rather not talk about it?"

"Well, I think we have to talk about it because if I'm coming home, it's going to affect all of you, unfortunately. And I know the doctors will want to talk to me too."

"Yes, they've been kind enough to grant us a bit of family time before they come in here to poke and prod you. And don't say it's unfortunate! We'll be _thrilled_ when you're well enough to come home. Although it'll be at least a few more days I'm afraid." Mom sighs.

"I imagine I'll be in a wheelchair, at least at first?" I ask.

"Yes and we're buying you the best one that money can buy, so don't worry about that. And you'll have the best physiotherapist also." She smiles. My Mom knows me well enough to know that my recovery will be my top priority.

"And I'm having a temporary ramp installed at the house for you." Dad says. "It should be in by the time you're home."

"Okay and what about my cast, when do they take_ it_ off?" I ask.

"Just in time for prom, Baby, that was the real question behind that question, wasn't it?" Jon laughs.

"Ugh, am I that transparent?" I ask. "Look, I get that the _wheelchair_ is inevitable, but it'd be nice if I could at least look decent from the _waist up_ in pictures, right?" I pout.

"Yes, you are a sixteen year old girl, Clary, no one is going to fault you for wanting _that_ small consolation!" Mom smiles and nods and now, finally the doctor knocks at the door.

"Clarissa? Hi, I'm Doctor Kyle, but you can call me Jordan. I was the surgeon who performed your spinal surgery. May I come have a chat with you and your family?" I nod and he pulls up a chair beside the bed.

"Alright, well I assume your family has filled you in a bit, but it's my job to make sure you know exactly what you've been through as well as where we go from here, okay?" I nod again. He describes the surgery in both medical and layman's terms for us and assures me that it went very well. He says my outlook is good for a potential full recovery of the use of my legs, since I'm young and that the cord wasn't fully severed, but that it may take years to get there completely. He also says that while I could regain range of motion, I potentially may not regain all of my sensation. He asks me what areas I can currently feel.

"I feel basically everything above my belly button." I say.

"Okay, that's good. What about when I do _this_" he asks and drums on my legs in different areas. I can feel a bit around the tips of my toes and when I tell him that, he says it's a _very_ good sign.

"So because you do have a bit of sensation, you are likely to regain more of it." He says.

"Now I have some brochures I will give you about the recovery process as well as living with paralysis. Surprisingly, the part most of my patients find the hardest to handle isn't being confined to a wheelchair, it's the loss of sensation. You'll be surprised, I think how much we take things like that for granted until they are gone."

Speaking of that, I just had a sinking sensation. "Doctor, may I ask a _personal_ question in regards to that?" He nods for me to continue. "If I don't have any sensation below my belly button, surely that doesn't include, umm, any personal areas, right? I mean, that is a _separate_ system, isn't it?"

"That's a perfectly valid question, however, I'm sorry Clary, I don't think you're going to like my answer. While the reproductive system is its own separate system as it pertains to some aspects, in others such as feelings of arousal and pleasure zones, it relies heavily on the nervous system. So no, Clarissa, I'm sorry to tell you that you probably won't experience any of _that type_ of sensation either.

"Oh God!" I cry. As my hand flies over my mouth and it takes everything I have for my eyes not to dart directly to Jonathan. As tears stream down my cheeks the doctor looks at me with concern.

"_Clarissa had sex for the first time shortly before this happened, that's why she's so upset, it's simply bad timing_." Mom whispers in explanation to the doctor.

"Clarissa, look at me for a second?" Doctor Jordan asks patiently. "If you'd like, I can give you pamphlets pertaining to that as well? And it pays to remember it is only your sense of _touch_ that is affected here. You have four other senses that will overcompensate for the lack thereof. And I'm sure if you're in a good relationship, the young man will be able to be understanding and that should help matters. _Although I haven't seen him here with you, which makes me question his judgement." _He says the last part under his breath but Jonathan and I catch it.

"Oh, that's actually my fault. He and I don't see eye to eye." Jonathan covers.

"Well, if it were me, I wouldn't let something like that stop me from seeing my girlfriend at a time like this, so I hope whoever he is, he _is_ treating you well Clarissa?" Dr. Jordan asks.

"Oh yes, very well. It's just hard for him, that's all." I smile, trying to sound convincing.

Jonathan chimes in. "I think he also blames himself for Clary's accident. She was talking to him at the time when she fell and he feels like he probably distracted her."

"It wasn't his fault though! Jonathan, you know that, right? You don't really _blame_... him do you?" I ask, almost forgetting to speak about Jonathan in the third person.

"No, not really, I guess. It's just that, well maybe I'm just projecting because _I was right there_ and _I couldn't catch you myself _and so I guess maybe I just feel personally responsible if you want the truth." He sighs.

"Oh Jon! Come here!" I cry, hugging him tightly with my one good arm despite the pain. It isn't your fault Jon!_ It isn't your fault_!"

"I guess I know that. I'm still so sorry Clary. _I'm so sorry Baby_!" He croons holding me with his face turned into my hair to hide his own tears.


	3. Chapter 3

Undeterred Affection, Unauthorized Visit, Uneasy Confrontation

_Undeterred Affection_

Jonathan has been amazing these last few days. Taking care of me, getting me whatever I want from the cafeteria, brushing my hair for me. He even helps me into my wheelchair now that I'm well enough to go for a roll (as I've taken to calling it).

And he is still the same old Jonathan, sneaking kisses when the nurses aren't watching, running his fingers through my curls, holding me, as close as our surroundings will allow. Whispering in my ear how much he loves me. I guess at first I was afraid that things would change between us after my accident because our romance was still so new. I guess I thought it would scare him off completely. But no, it's been quite the opposite.

Maybe it's because on top of being my (yes, I'll say it) _boyfriend_, he's also my _protective older brother_ so it's instinctual for him to want to take care of me. Or perhaps it's because he's just a nurturing sort of person, I don't know. Either way, it doesn't seem to bother him that I need so much help right now. In fact, he seems to relish in the fact that I need him.

I'm still worried about the sex thing though. I mean, if I can't feel anything, that's not apt to be too much fun for him. I doubt he's going to want me that way anymore. I decide to bite the bullet and have talk with him about it, just to see where we stand.

"Hey Jon, may I ask you something?" I begin, hesitantly.

"Clarissa, you may ask me anything, Baby girl." He smiles, brushing my hair aside.

"With everything that's happened, you probably aren't interested in being intimate with me again, are you?" I bite my lip nervously, waiting to see what he'll say.

"What? Clary, Baby, why would you_ ever_ think that? I want you _so much,_ that if you weren't confined to a _hospital bed_ these past few days, I would have lost count of the number of times that I would have _seduced you_ by now." He smiles mischievously.

"Really, it doesn't put you off that I'm not going to be able to feel you touching me, like a normal girlfriend would?" I ask, truly nervous about this.

"Clary, _my sister_, need I remind you that _nothing _about our relationship is normal?" He grins. "Besides, I've been doing some research regarding that stuff and did you know that it is theoretically possible for a girl to orgasm _just_ from having her nipples stimulated and nothing else?" He shrugs.

"Oh wow, oh my gosh that's so hot!" I blush.

"Yeah, I know, right?" He laughs "Maybe it's something we could try sometime?"

"Well, what's the matter with _right now_?" I offer.

_Unauthorized__ Visit_

"Clarissa! You naughty girl! The door doesn't _lock_ and anyone could waltz in at _any moment_!" He laughs nervously.

"The odds of that are pretty slim, Jon. It's the middle of the night and the nurse just checked in on me not long ago, so she won't be due back for a while now. We won't get caught, I'm sure of it." I smirk, enjoying making him squirm.

"It's _so bad_ Clary, but I really do _want to_. I suppose, we could cover up under your blankets and that way if we heard someone coming we could just pretend we were cuddling, right?" He smiles.

"See, now you're thinking!" I grin. So Jonathan climbs into the bed with me and moves me over a bit to make room. Then he unfastens the back of my hospital gown and pulls it down off of my shoulders. He pulls the blankets back up so that nothing is showing and we start to kiss deeply.

After kissing me a long time, he starts to touch my breasts. It feels amazingly sensual and I become extremely aroused. It seems that because I can't feel _anything_ in my lower regions, the areas I can feel are _more sensitive_. So his kisses, which continue, as he explores me with his mouth, are lighting a passionate fire wherever they touch. He kisses my neck and it feels electric. He nibbles my ears and I learn how wonderful his hot breath feels on them. He plays with locks of my hair, twisting them and tugging them gently. And there are other senses we explore, too.

When he starts turning his attention back to my breasts, I _watch_ him. The _sight_ is almost as erotic as the _sensation._ And he takes full advantage of the hearing sense, whispering _sexy things_ in my ear the whole time. There is definitely plenty of _tasting_ as well and I also enjoy the _smell of his cologne_.

Soon, the craziest thing happens. It turns out he was right! Before I know it I can't even believe that without him even having touched me down south a _single time_, I am climaxing. And not only that but it's even better than _before_! I am so over the moon that I have to burry my face into the pillows to keep from waking up the whole hospital.

_Uneasy Confrontation_

"That was amazing!" I sigh.

"You bet it was. See Baby, I told you we'd figure out a way." He smiles.

"Uh huh, you were right." I nod.

"Oh, how I love it when you say that I'm right." He smirks cockily.

"Har, har, funny man." I pretend to hit him with my good arm.

"Do you want something from the vending machine Babe? I'm kinda hungry, are you? I was thinking of grabbing us a snack." Jonathan asks me. "If you'd rather I stayed, I'll stay, though." He smiles reassuringly. He still doesn't like leaving me alone too long.

"Yeah, maybe a soft drink and a candy bar, please?" I smile.

"Okay, do you care what kind?" He laughs.

"Nope, use your best judgement and surprise me!" I grin. He's known me my whole life so he should know what flavors I like. He turns on the lamp beside the bed so he can find his wallet on the table and puts it into his pocket.

"Okay, I'll be back as quick as I can." He says and heads out of the room. He has to go to a nearby ward cuz there are no vending machines on this one. I'm out of intensive care now, so I am able to eat what I want, even though they _prefer_ I eat healthy.

So Jonathan's been gone for barely a minute when Doctor Jordan comes into my room without knocking. Our plan to keep the blankets over ourselves had been a good one, but I _forgot_ to pull them back up when Jon left. So when he walks in to come and check on me, I am sitting bare-chested in the bright lamplight and my cheeks are obviously flush so it's clear I've been up to something. "Sorry, Clarissa, I should have knocked. It's the middle of the night so I assumed you'd be sleeping." He says as I quickly cover myself up.

"Oh, yeah, sorry, I umm… know it's late and all, but… my boyfriend stopped in for a bit, because, this was, the only time he could come by today." I say, quickly trying to cover, before he can put the pieces together. "He just left."

"Oh really? Huh, well that's funny, Clary. I don't think I saw him in the _hallway_. In fact, the only boy I saw leaving this room was _Jonathan_. So I suppose, in that case, maybe I _did_ see him in the hallway after all?" He asks, the knowledge of the situation written all over his face. "Well, I suppose that solves the absentee boyfriend puzzle hey? He's been _right here under our noses _the whole time, hasn't he?" He grins.

"I can… explain! It's just... that is… we didn't… it's not…" I struggle trying to find a valid excuse to give.

"Relax, Clary. I know as your doctor, I should probably report this. In fact, I am technically _legally required_ to. Especially since you are legally a minor and your brother isn't. However, I don't think, based on what I've seen of your family during your stay here, that your situation is exactly text book. _That boy_ did not _eat_ or _sleep._ Period. The entire time you were in the ICU and he did not leave your side. Since then, he has been doing absolutely everything for you, with hardly a thought to his own well-being. In fact, since he isn't in the room right now, I assume he's off on a mission _for you_?"

"Yeah he's grabbing us a snack, actually." I admit.

"So it's obvious to me that he cares deeply for you and puts you first, no matter what, which is good enough for me. It may be irresponsible of me, but I'm inclined to look the other way on this one. I believe you are in good hands when it comes to Jonathan and with an injury of this magnitude, it will help your recovery to have such a loving support person in your life. So no, I'm not willing to be the one responsible for tearing the two of you apart. Provided that he _continues _treating you as well as he has been, that is. If _anything_ changes in that regard, or you _ever_ find yourself in a situation you _do not wish to be in_, or if he ever _hurts you_, you need to _report him_, Clarissa. Whether you love him or not, do you understand me?" Doctor Jordan says.

"Yes, of course, Sir. Thank you for your leniency. Jonathan and I appreciate your discretion, Doctor, very much." I sighed, totally relieved that our secret is safe for now.

"And also Clary, I hope you know that just because you've entered into this type of relationship with your brother, doesn't ever mean you have to stay in it. If you decide at any time this isn't what you want anymore, it is completely within your rights to treat it as any other teenage romance and break up with him. I don't want you to ever feel like you are stuck in this situation because he is your brother. As I've said, he seems to hold your happiness and wellbeing as his highest priority. If that's true, then he will want you to be happy, regardless of what that may mean for him, alright?"

"Yes, Dr. Jordan, thank you. It's nice to know we have someone we can talk to about this besides our parents." I smile.

"So your parents know, then? That was going to be my next question." He asks.

"Yes, they do. And they have a similar take on it to yours. They are making allowances because in every other way, they say we've been good kids, and they see that it's obviously mutual and know how much we love each other." I smile, pleased that we aren't in trouble per se.

"Okay, great. And just one more personal question then; have the two of you been _safe_?" He asks me.

"Oh, gosh! I guess, _we really weren't_. I mean, we only had intercourse the one time and that was before my accident. But, no, I think we were both pretty caught up in the moment. We weren't thinking about that I'm afraid." I sigh.

"Okay, well I would like to write you a prescription for birth control then, if that's alright with you. And I also think we should run a pregnancy test, just to be on the safe side. I'll come back and set that up for you in the morning, alright?" He asks and I nod and thank him. That's when Jonathan walks back into the room.

"Hey, Dr. Jordan." Jonathan smiles, totally unaware of all he's missed.

"Hey Jon, now that you're back I will leave you two and get back to my rounds. Clary, good talk." He nods.

"Thanks Dr. Jordan!" I call to his retreating form.

Jonathan looks at me quizzically. "Did I miss something here?" He asks, puzzled.

"Yes, and you'll never believe_ what_!" I exclaim.


	4. Chapter 4

Unfulfilled Dreams, Untapped Potential, Undeniable Truth

_Unfulfilled Dreams_

I've finally been sent home from the hospital! It's so nice to be out of there, and as promised, Dad had a ramp installed for me to actually be able to get into the house. They sent me home with a bunch of other 'fun' accessories, like handle bars, rails and a shower chair etc. to make my bathroom handicap accessible, a transfer handle to help me get from my bed to my chair, and this leg lifter thing so I can make my legs go where I want them to easier.

I'm trying to keep up a positive attitude about this, but some of the time, I just feel like a senior citizen. The catheter situation was the hardest thing to get used to when they first explained that to me in the hospital, but they assured me that even new mothers in the hospital sometimes have to use them, so it doesn't mean that I'm an old lady.

Anyway, by now I'm a pro at all of this. I can get into and out of my chair without Jon's help, although he _likes_ to carry me, so sometimes I let him. I can even maneuver my chair well enough that I'm going to be signing up for wheelchair basketball. Oh and they're letting me finish my schooling _online_ because my school isn't handicap accessible and I really don't want to start off at a new school being 'that new girl in the wheelchair', _no thanks_.

I've been going to physiotherapy a lot too and they have me working pretty hard. It's paying off though I can feel my toes a little bit more than before. Jonathan likes to play 'this little piggy went to market' and tickle my toes hoping I will continue getting the feeling back, it's really cute I must admit. And he loves to spoil me. Usually whenever he goes out he comes home with a present. This time, however, he has also come home with an idea.

"Hey Baby, I ran into one of your friends from gymnastics. She said everyone has been asking about you and wanted to know if you can have friends over to visit yet. I told her I thought you might be up for that reasonably soon and that maybe we could throw a party or something so that rather than a constant barrage of visitors you can just see everyone at once and get it over with. Do you that think you might be up for that?"

I don't know what to tell him. On one hand, I _do_ want to see all of my friends. On the other hand, the _last_ thing I want to do (after having had to kiss my Olympic dreams goodbye as a part of coming to terms with my injury) is spend an entire evening with a bunch of able bodied gymnasts. I mean, I'm not naturally a _jealous_ person or anything, but I still think it might be a little too much too soon.

"I dunno Jon. Part of me wants to see everyone, but a part of me isn't ready for that yet. I don't know what to tell you. I'm sorry." I sigh; feeling defeated again _yet another time_ since the accident. "Can we plan it for a few weeks out from now, maybe?" I plead.

"Oh Clary, of course we can! And we'll make sure it's a mixed crowd and not just your gymnastics friends okay?" He assures me, practically reading my thoughts.

"Thanks Jon!" I smile, feeling a lot better about the situation for once. I _so _love my brother. He sure knows how to cheer me up when I need it! And hey, maybe if I can't be an Olympic Gymnast, I can still make it to the Paralympics one day with my wheelchair basketball or something.

_Untapped Potential_

I find that the longer I am confined to my wheelchair the more my life changes in _other_ ways too. Like instead of gymnastics, I am now rockin' the wheelchair basketball! I also used to like to rock climb as well, so now I'm using _that _time to focus on more of my art instead; I love sketching, especially portraits. It's sort of my creative outlet.

It hasn't all been too horrible, just a lot to get used to. No idea _what_ I would have done without Jon though. He's been _absolutely _amazing. So _loving_ and_ giving_ and so careful about my feelings and giving me _exactly _what I need, whether it's space, or my caring brother, or my sexy boyfriend or and understanding friend. Whatever it is, he's been there to provide it for me.

We're lying in my room now on the bed and he looks over and notices my sketchbook on the side table. "May I?" He asks. I nod for him to take it and he begins to flip through my drawings. "These are _so good_, Clary! You really have a talent for this stuff. Maybe you should take some classes to hone your skill and actually try to make a career of your art. This is something you could probably go pretty far with." He suggests, sounding impressed.

"Surely they're not _that_ good Jon! Do you know how awesome you have to be to make any decent money from something like this?" I sigh.

"Come on! Don't sell yourself short here Sweety. They _are _absolutely that good! Your portraits are completely amazing and realistic. You could _easily _be a police sketch artist or get into something like graphic design. Heck you could probably even be one of those people in touristy places who sketches portraits for people right there while they pose. Or you could totally even just start selling your art outright. You seriously have a talent here, Baby girl! I can't believe you don't realize how _good_ these are. I'm not even exaggerating." He gushes.

"Okay well, I promise to think about it, alright?" I smile. "Does that satisfy you?"

"Not as much as _this_ will!" He laughs and starts kissing me. "_You_ satisfy me more than _anything else ever could_."

_Undeniable Truth_

A few days after our art conversation, I get home from physio and storm into the house completely _outraged_. If you've never tried to have a hissy fit when you're stuck in a wheelchair, _don't_. I won't recommend it, it's not easy. I used to have a killer hissy fit whenever I'd get pissy. I'd stomp around and slam the doors and the whole nine yards. But I can't do _any_ of that now and given that the reason for my bad mood has to do with my current _infuriating condition_, the fact that I can't even throw a proper tantrum now because of it, just _compounds_ the problem for me.

Thankfully, I can still _throw things_ though and I'm in the process of breaking my third knick-knack when my Mom comes rushing down the stairs. Dad and Jon took me to my physio appointment today, so Mom has no idea yet what I'm so pissed off about and is looking highly concerned right now.

"Clary… do you _want_ to talk about it?" She asks.

"All I _want_ is to _get better_! All I want is _my legs back_! I freaking know just how much that is to ask for, and that it's going to take a long time. I even know that sometimes it _isn't possible period_ and I'm prepared for that possibility. But in the beginning, they _all_ kept telling me how _good_ it was that I could feel my toes and that I was making _good progress_ and now? It's like, _every single time;_ I _bust my ass_ at physio. I try my hardest. I do everything they ask me to _and then some_. And then they have the nerve to tell me that they anticipated _I might be further along than this by now_? As if, I'm _not already doing_ everything in my power,_ and _working as hard to recover as _humanly possible_. I mean what do they seriously expect from me here, _a miracle_?" I bury my head in my lap, feeling totally frustrated by everything today.

"No Clary. All they have a right to expect of you, all _anyone_ can expect of you, is that you are _trying your best_, which _I know_ you have been. I'm sure that they don't blame you for the speed of your recovery and they were probably just letting you know that their _timeline_ was off, so that you aren't becoming overly anxious about seeing results unrealistically soon. I'm sure that's all." She says.

"Yeah, I guess. Although, I suppose, if I am_ completely _honest with myself, then there was probably some more work I could have done _at home,_ _between_ physio appointments. I think, maybe I _have been_ slacking off a little in my downtime. But I've just been so excited about basketball and my sketches, you know? Do you guys think maybe, I've been letting myself get sidetracked?" I ask, looking at Mom and Dad and Jonathan each in turn.

"I think you seem to know yourself pretty well, Clary. I think that if _you_ feel there is some room for improvement, then that's what you should focus on. I know it's been hard getting used to all the changes in your life right now but, I think you've established a pretty good routine by this point, so it shouldn't be _too_ hard to figure out a few times to fit in some more of your exercises?" Mom questions, after giving it some thought.

"Your Mother is right, Clarissa. You are a smart girl and _you_ ought to know best what you need from _yourself, and_ from us. So, if you can commit to giving your recovery the attention that _you_ feel it deserves, than _we_ will commit to helping you out with this, in any way that we can, okay Little Tiger?" He says, using my old childhood nickname.

"Sure thing Dad, I promise that's exactly what I'll do. Starting right now, I'm going to step up my game. Thanks guys!" I smile happily at my Mom and Dad, relieved to have a game plan and a strategy. "Hey Jon, you can come _watch _me exercise if you want to, as long as you don't let me get distracted, okay?" I grin.

"You definitely don't have to tell _me_ twice Baby!" He laughs as we head to my room. "And I'm on the same page as Mom and Dad, okay? If there's ever anything else you need from me that you aren't already getting, whether it be more encouragement, or help with staying on task, or help with your schoolwork, or a hug etc. etc. you know you can count on me, right Sweety?" He says, playing with my curls once we are situated in my workout corner.

"Yeah I know Jon. Although I bet it's mainly the _etcetera part _that you are looking forward to helping me out with hey?" I tease him.

"Meh, what can I say? I am a teenage male after all." He laughs.

I get to work on my exercises, determined to get over my obstacles and eventually my injury. I owe it to myself not to take this lightly because when push comes to shove, it's ultimately_ my_ future on the line here. So it's _my responsibility _to take action now and set myself up for the brightest future I'm able to have, in spite of what life has thrown at me.


	5. Chapter 5

Unbelievable Dedication, Unimpeded Progress, Unpleasant News

_Unbelievable Dedication_

It's been three weeks since I was sent home from the hospital. I've had to put drawing on hold for a bit. Now I only sketch during times and places where I can't do my exercises, so I haven't _stopped_ drawing _completely_, I'm just prioritizing my recovery. Usually Jonathan hangs around and helps me or just watches and keeps me company. And they've stepped up my physio after my relentless begging. I have my appointments twice as often now and they are longer as well. I'm doing so well now that they're talking about finding me a special program that will further improve my chances. My parents told them that money is no issue, so they're looking into it.

Jonathan and I are sitting at breakfast after Mom and Dad have left for work. "Hey beautiful, I was thinking…"

"Uh oh, it's always dangerous when a boy says that!" I tease him.

"No silly, it's nothing bad. I was just thinking that maybe since you've been working so hard, that you deserve a rest. I thought maybe tomorrow night I could treat you to a movie and we could spend the evening out celebrating your progress?" He smiles.

_Hmm, that does sound awesome, of course, but if I start slacking off again, even for one night, it might be harder to get back on track. _"Jonathan, I'd love to go with you to a movie, it's just, not a good time. I'm really trying to impress the physiotherapists right now so they will see that I'm worthy of getting into the best program possible. If I justify a night off now, I will be more likely to do it again the next time I feel like taking a break and so on. It's the slight edge principle." I sigh. "So, thank you, honey for the offer, but there'll be lots of time for date nights, _once I'm better_." I smirk. We always make 'once I'm better' comments and most of them involve exploring different sexual positions, so I figure he'll laugh at my use of the phrase.

"Yeah, okay. Forget I said anything. Are you done eating? I can do these dishes and then meet you in there if you want to go get started." He smiles, although it seems a little forced. I want him to know I appreciate his help and his patience with all of this, so I wheel over to him and pull him down into a hug and a big kiss.

"Thank you, Jon. You've been my rock through all of this and I don't know what I would do without your support big brother." I say, running my hands through his hair.

"Hm, you're welcome, my sweet sister. And here's hoping that you never have to find out." He says, pulling me back into the kiss. We stay lip locked for a few minutes before he goes back to the dishes and I head off to my workout space.

_Unimpeded Progress_

The next week goes by smoothly. I keep up with my physio and my wheelchair basketball. I am getting a lot better at both. I scored the final basket in my game last Saturday, and at my last physio appointment, they said I'm doing so much better than they could have hoped. I can feel and even bend all of my toes now, and am starting to slightly feel some touch to the rest of my foot. Mom and Dad are so proud of me. Jonathan on the other hand, seems a little distant lately. I'm hoping it's not because I haven't wanted to go out and do anything. It's just that I need to be working away at my recovery, not socializing.

And something else has been weighing on my mind and taking a lot of my time and energy too, but I'm not ready to tell anyone about that yet. So I'm dealing with everything on my own, the best I can. I have physio today and by now, they will have heard back about whether I am accepted into the special program they were telling me about.

* * *

><p>I wait nervously in the waiting area for them to call on me and wonder if I got in to the program. I'm so lost in thought that I barely hear my name being called. When I get in front of the physiotherapist, they sit down with me, to talk first.<p>

"Clarissa, I wanted to give you the great news before we start today. You got in! It's a wonderful program and I think you'll really excel in Minnesota." She says. _Hold the phone here… did she just say what I think I heard?_

"Wait, excuse me but, did you just _Minnesota_?" I ask, bewildered. No one said anything to me about _moving to Minnesota._

"Why yes, Clarissa. We told you and your parents that the program was run by the Mayo clinic. I assumed you or at least your parents would have known that it was in Minnesota. I'm sorry if that wasn't clear. Are you, in fact, still interested? We pulled _a lot_ of strings to get you in and they _are_ the best equipped facility to help you manage with both of your conditions simultaneously. I had hoped you'd be thrilled."

"I am, I am, it's just… well I don't suppose my family can come with me?" I ask, petrified by the idea of being sent away without my family, not to mention the idea of what it would do to my relationship with Jonathan.

"Well, they _can_, but I was under the impression that you didn't want them to know about your _other_ condition. It might be hard to keep that from them if they accompany to Minnesota for the next few months, wouldn't you say?"

"Oh. I get it, so either I _tell them_ or I go it alone, right? I can't have both, can I?" I sigh.

"No, you really can't. I'd suggest you go home when we are done here and think about how you want to proceed with this. However, am I correct in thinking that you _will_ be accepting the invitation into the program then?" She asks me.

"Um, yeah, I think it will be good for me. So yes, I accept." I say, not sure how this decision will be met at home. And not looking forward to finding out.

_Unpleasant News_

So, Mom drives me home after my appointment and as I wheel myself through the front doors, I throw my purse unceremoniously across the room. "Hey Clary, that purse never did anything to you." Mom chuckles, as she tries to improve the mood with humor.

"Yeah well, what the heck am I going to tell Jon, Mom? _Hey, so I'm moving to Minnesota, want to come with?"_ I sigh, not realizing that Jon is standing at the top of the stairs behind me now.

"Wait a second, you're _moving_? What the hell? Were you even going to _tell me_?" He asks, descending the stairs to meet me.

"Wow, sorry. I had planned to sit down with you _tonight_ about it, not to just spring it on you like that. I only found out about it today, Jon. Minnesota is apparently where the program is that they were able to get me into. It's the best of the best so if I want to recover fully and quickly, I should probably take it." I say, unable to meet his eyes.

"Wow, okay, that's pretty _big_. Um, were you serious about asking me to come with you?" He asks, his eyes filled with hope.

"I'd like to, but they said I'd be better off going on my own, so that I can invest everything I have into getting better." I lie, not ready to tell Jonathan the truth.

"Wow, well how long do we have until you have to leave?" He asks.

"They said I can take two weeks to get ready and they'll have everything set up for me by the time I get there." I say, pretending not to notice the moisture in his eyes.

"Okay, well if it's important to your recovery then you'd better do what they say." He sighs, resigned to our fate. "And we'd better make the most out of the next two weeks." He says, brightening up a little bit. "That means, you're going to indulge me with that movie date that you wouldn't agree to before. And I'm also throwing you that party. It can be a combined 'glad you're alive' and 'sorry you're going away' party, okay?" He laughs.

"Okay, but _no booze_, okay?" I say.

"What? Since when do _you_ turn down _booze_?" He shakes his head, confused.

"It, ah, it… counteracts some of my medications, so… I shouldn't drink." I say, settling for the best excuse I can think of.

"Okay, fine, no booze." He relents.

"Thanks Jon, you're the best!" I say, pulling him into a hug.

"Yeah, yeah, and don't I know it." He smirks, ruffling my hair.


	6. Chapter 6

Uncanny Coincidence, Unexpected Encounter, Unfair Requests

_Uncanny Coincidence_

Jonathan and I are leaving the movie theater after our date when he stops just outside the entrance and beckons me off to the side. "Put your mitts on, Love, it's freezing out here." He asks and bends over to give me a long, luxurious kiss. We chose this particular theater because it was far from home, so we wouldn't run into anyone we know.

"Hey guys! Small world! Which movie did you see?" We spin around (him on his feet, me in my chair) to see who is speaking, only to be face to face with Isabelle Lightwood, the most popular girl in school. Izzy was always a friend of mine, and even came to visit me in the hospital. But she has no idea about Jonathan and I at least, she didn't until now.

"Um, hi, Izzy, we, uh, watched that new Rom-com. The one with that actress you like. What about you?" I say, trying not to blush beet red.

"Oh, yeah, no that's the one I saw too. I thought it might have been the two of you making out in the back row the whole time. But then I was like, _no way_! It _can't _be. But I guess it was." She smiles wickedly at me, like a cat that ate a canary. "You know, Clary, when I asked you last year if your brother was single, you could have just told me you were keeping him all to yourself. I mean, I suppose if I had a brother _who looked like that_, I might be tempted too. Don't worry, I won't say anything. That is, of course, if you'd both be so kind as to grant me one _teeny tiny __favor_?"

_I knew it, here comes the blackmail._ "What exactly would you like, Isabelle?" I smile, sighing inwardly.

"Well, you both know my boyfriend, Simon, right? I'm not sure if you knew it or not, but he has a band. And well, they need some exposure, and so I thought maybe you might be kind enough to let them play at Clary's little Get Well/Going Away party? They're_ really_ good. They're calling themselves the _Smashed Flat Melons_ right now. Last week they were _Marshmallows in Cocoa_. Anyway, what do you say? I'd hate for my _loose lips_ to end up sinking your _little __love-boat_ here, if you catch my meaning." She grins, beaming ear to ear. Yup, now we're in for it alright.

"Fine, they can play. But I want the chance to approve their playlist before the party and full veto power, okay?" Jonathan relents.

"Yeah and if they change their band name so often anyway, can I pick one for the party that's better than _Smashed Flat Melons_ please?" I beg.

"Yeah, I don't think they'll care. A gig's a gig, right?" She smiles, practically jumping for joy. "I can't wait to tell them! Thank you, so, so much! I'm_ glad_ we ran into each other." And with that, she tears off to where her mom is waiting to drive her home.

"So what are you planning on renaming them then?" Jon inquires.

"I dunno, how about the _Electric Wheelchairs_?" I laugh.

"Really, you wouldn't prefer the _Incestuous Siblings_?" He smirks.

"_Jonathan!_" I screech, hitting him playfully.

_Unexpected Turnout_

When the day of the party finally rolls around, Jon tells me that I'm not allowed to help with the preparations and kicks me out of the house so that I'm not tempted to lift a finger. I go to the public library because it's the only place within rolling distance where I can just sit around and not have to buy anything, plus I have a library card, so I'll sign some books out while I'm here.

I'm sitting at one of the tables reading a book about sparkling vampires (just to see what all the fuss is about) when a familiar looking girl approaches. "Clarissa Morgenstern? No. Way!" It takes me a minute to place her, but then I realize its Maia Roberts, a girl I went to Junior High with. She used to be in all of my dance classes as well.

"Oh, my gosh! Maia? Wow, it's been ages! How have you been?" I ask, wheeling my chair over to her. At that point she realizes that I hadn't just been sitting in one of the library chairs.

"What _happened _to you?" She asks, her eyes welling up with tears and her voice cracking. "No one told me, no one said anything."

"Yeah, I've been so focused on my recovery I've hardly had any time to see friends from my school, let alone get in touch with any of my old ones, I'm sorry. There's actually a party tonight, if you want to come though. It's a get well/going away party. I've been accepted into a rockin physio program in Minnesota, so I'm actually relocating in a few days." I say, trying to make light of it so she doesn't start crying.

"Oh, okay wow. Umm, if you don't mind my asking, what kind of injury are you recovering from? Did you hurt your legs or something?" Maia asks. With curiosity as well as concern, written all over her face.

"No, I don't mind you asking. It's actually a spinal cord injury so, my recovery is pretty challenging, which is why the program they chose for me is the best of the best. Otherwise, I never would have agreed to leave New York like this. It's going to be so hard on my family, especially Jon." I sigh, looking away to hide my emotions.

"Yeah, I bet. You two were always so close. Why doesn't he just come with you? He's not in college yet, right?" She smiles.

"No he isn't, but he can't come, I, they would have allowed it of course, but I lied and told him they advised against it." I say quietly, staring at my feet.

She sits down in a chair beside me "Why? You don't want him to go with you?" She asks gently.

"I do, but, there's some other stuff going on that I don't want him to know about. So I'm taking this time out in Minnesota to deal with that as well and depending on how that goes, I might come back or I might not." I say, my voice starting to break. The thought of not seeing my family again is almost too much.

"Wow, is it, something that, it might help to talk about? I'm good at keeping secrets and pretty good at advice if you want any that is." Maia says, reassuringly.

"Thanks, I _wish_ I had someone to talk to about it. But my parents would just tell me to talk to Jon and I'm not willing to do that at this point. And I don't trust any of my friends to keep it secret." I exhale, totally exhausted from everything that's been weighing on me.

"You can tell _me_, Clarissa, I swear on everything that is dear to me, I won't say a word to anyone. Whatever you tell me, stays between us, okay?" She smiles.

"Yeah, yeah, I trust you Maia. Umm, after my accident, I also found out… that I'm pregnant. So that's another reason I need to go to the Mayo clinic because they can help me not only with my recovery but also in trying to manage a healthy pregnancy alongside of it. So that's why you _can't tell anyone_. Especially not my family and _most certainly not Jon_, okay?" I beg.

"Wow, yeah, no of course I won't say anything but Clary, why do you not want your _brother _to know that you're… oh." The answer must have been written all over my face and Maia's not dumb, so yeah, now she knows everything.

"Clary, he didn't… umm, like, _make _you do anything, did he?" She asks awkwardly. "Because, if you need help, then we can get you help, you know that don't you?" She smiles tentatively.

"No, Maia, thank you, but it wasn't anything like that. It's been mutual. I know it's weird, but we're technically dating. Which is part of the reason I'm so hesitant to leave, but I know I have to." I shake my head in despair.

"Okay, well, if everything is fine between the two of you, why don't you want to tell him?" To her credit, she seems to have gotten past the whole incest thing reasonably quickly (or is just choosing to ignore it for my sake).

"Well, I know that inbred babies can have problems, even die. And with my SCI (which stands for Spinal Cord Injury), I'm considered a high risk pregnancy in the first place. I don't want to tell him and get his hopes up and then possibly _lose the baby_. I think that would probably kill him. I can't stand to hurt him like that. So, the only way I will be able to tell him, is if I end up by some miracle giving birth to a healthy child. Going away and having him stay here means that if I _do _lose the baby, he never has to know I was even pregnant in the first place. He never has to grieve." I sigh.

"Oh Clarissa! I hope you don't mind my saying so, but, I don't think that's very healthy. Not for you and the baby _or_ for your relationship with Jonathan. You shouldn't have to bear all of this on _your_ _shoulders _without his help for one thing, not when it's _his baby too_ and you already have so much on your mind to worry about. Besides, what happens if you do deliver a healthy child? You don't think he's going to feel _robbed_ that he didn't get to be with you through your pregnancy and the birth of his child? You don't think that might hurt him _more_?" She speaks gently and I can tell she's not trying to be hurtful but the words still sting.

"Maia, I've thought of all of that. I know that keeping this secret from Jonathan is likely to blow up in my face, but I just have to hope that he will be able to see that my intentions were good. Maybe you've never known anyone who lost a baby before, but I have. And I can tell you it, almost killed them. It nearly destroyed their marriage, and I don't know if their hearts ever _fully _healed. I won't do that to Jonathan because I love him enough to never, ever want to see him hurt that way. If I lose him in the process, I suppose that's my cross to bear.

"There might not be much honor in what I'm doing, but there _is _kindness in it and that will have to be enough. As an old family friend of ours used to say, sometimes you can't have both." I say, unable to meet her gaze.

_I know she thinks what I'm doing is wrong, and frankly, maybe most people would. But most people never had to watch their parent's marriage nearly fall apart at the age of ten over the loss of their baby sister. There is a headstone in the local cemetery that reads _'here lies Valentina Morgenstern, beloved daughter whose first breath was also her last'_ and it still gets fresh flowers every month because after six years, my parents still grieve her. So forgive me, for not wanting that for Jonathan._

"Okay, well, I've said my peace, so don't worry, I won't say anymore. And if it's still alright, I would like to come to your going away party tonight. What time does it start?" She says, cheerful once again.

"At eight o'clock. And yes you're definitely welcome. And hey, if you still talk to anyone else we knew in Junior High, you can invite them too. It would probably be more fun for you if there are at least a few people there that you already know." I say, smiling, my sorrow and stress temporarily forgotten.

"Yes, for sure I will! Thanks Clary! I'll see you then!" She heads off to leave me to my reading, and I lose myself in my book again, wishing that _my _problems were as trivial as_ Bella's_.

_Unfair Requests_

Well, the party is definitely hoppin. Simon's band is actually pretty good. I don't know how Jon did it but _all_ of our friends are here, plus a lot of _them_ brought people and Maia even came through, there's a whole bunch of our old friends from Junior High here who attend her high school now. Some of them I haven't even seen in _years_. And the craziest part is, Jon never told everyone 'no presents' like he should have, so a lot of them brought gifts, which I totally didn't expect. There is a giant mound of them taking up our whole dining room table!

Everyone seems to be having a blast, which I attribute to the music and make a mental note to thank Simon and the rest of his band later. Eventually however, Jonathan texts me and asks me to meet him in my room. I begrudgingly head in there because the band is doing a cover of one of my favourite songs and I _hate_ to miss it. "Hey Babe, what's up?" I ask him.

"I've just been missing you, that's it. I wanted kisses and I _thought _you'd prefer somewhere out of the way." He pouts.

"Oh, well I'm always up for kisses, why didn't you say so?" I smile. He gets down on his knees and brings his face in close to mine and that's when I smell it. "Jonathan? You've been drinking!" I say.

"What? Nope, all I've had is the punch! I made it myself and I swear I didn't put nothin' funny in it." He says, slurring his speech a bit and butchering the English language.

"Okay, then why did you just use a double negative?" I ask. "Did you _spike the punch_ Jon, after I asked you not to?" I huff.

"No, I didn't but _thanks_ for the vote of confidence. Maybe someone else did, if you're so convinced that there_ is_ booze in it. But I severely doubt it. I feel fantabulous and sotally tober." He assures me, not realizing how drunk he actually sounds.

"Yeah, well I'm pretty sure there is, so that's just great. By now, I'm sure everyone's freaking drunk, which is just peachy, considering _I can't have any_!" I grumble.

"Yeah, what's up with that? I read like all the bottles they sent home with you and none of them said 'don't mix with alcohol'. Did they give you something new since then?" He asks, looking innocently at me and making kissy lips.

"Umm, I think it's one of the new ones, yeah. I just remember reading something somewhere and don't I want to take any chances, okay? I'm sure you can understand that." I smile sweetly, trying to seem calm and casual about it.

"Yeah, I understand. Everything you do now, you do for your recovery, yup. I get that. Just like you leaving. You need to do it for your recovery. It's not like you _want_ to be _ripping my heart out_ or anything, you just need to do it to get your legs back. And I want _so much_ for you to get better, so, that's why I'm _only_ gonna ask you this, selfishly, _one _time. And _only _because, as you so kindly pointed out, I seem to be a bit intoxicated. "Would you even _consider_ enrolling in a _locally based_ program instead, for my sake? Please? I don't want to lose you." He says, batting self-consciously at tears he'd rather I didn't see.

"Oh Jonathan, I am so, so, sorry for doing this to you, _all_ of this! I'm sorry for every last thing that has been bothering you about this, and even the things that haven't yet. I'm sorry that I have to leave, but you _know _I can't stay. I'm doing this for our… future. And it needs to be this way, okay? I wish I could explain it better, but that's all I got, Jon. I love you so, so much. And I hope, in spite of how shitty this all seems for you, you'll still come to the airport to see me off? I know it's a lot to ask of you but I really want yours to be the last face I see before I get on the plane. I think it'll be easier to leave if I can focus on what I will eventually be coming back to, okay, please?" I beg.

"I'll come on one condition, Clary. Will you make a pact with me? I know it's not fair to expect this, but can we _please_ promise each other not to see anyone else in the meantime? _I don't want _any _other girl but you. I never will, _Baby Sister_. I never will_. _Please!"_ By this point he's showing me with kisses on every inch of my face and neck and chest and whispering his words in my ear. "_I know you'd be batting 'em away like flies. But if you want, I can get you some fly swatters, okay just, please be mine? _Stay _mine? Clary, please, Baby? It isn't just the _time apart_ I'm worried about. It's that some _asshat_ in Minnesota is gonna sweep you off of your beautiful feet and I will _lose you forever_. I'm scared, Baby; I'm _so _scared of losing you." _He is sitting with his head in my lap and I softly stroke his hair as he cries.

"Well, I don't think you would have had much to worry about anyway, since I am going there for physio and not for _romance_, silly, but yes, I will promise you that." I smile, assuring him that I mean it.

"Really, you'd do that for me?" He looks up at me, eyes hopeful.

"Yes! Of course, I'd be doing it for both of us, Jon. I don't want to lose this anymore than you do, Baby, okay?" I sigh, emotionally drained now, crying myself, while still trying to comfort Jon. "Just, please know that I have no idea how long my recovery will take and I plan to be in Minnesota as long as I need to, alright?"

"I understand, Clary, for sure. It's a one way ticket Baby but when you do eventually_ do_ come back, you'll still be mine. And you'll maybe even get your legs back! I would be the happiest man on earth if you could one day fulfill your dream of walking again and I don't care _how long_ I have to Skype with you for while you achieve it." He says, lighting up like a Christmas tree. _Crap! I forgot about Skype! Well, I guess that will be interesting once I have a baby belly to conceal. Oh well, dem's tha brakes, sigh. At least Jon's not mad at me. Yet. _


	7. Chapter 7

Unanticipated Delays, Unadulterated Truth, Unintentional Friendship,

_Unanticipated Delays_

The airport is less stressful than I expected. Although the goodbyes are long and drawn out. I can't bring myself to let go of Jonathan. I've been holding onto his hand for half an hour and can't seem to part with him. Mom and Dad have given us some time to be alone and are hiding out at one of the airport food joints. Jon is supposed to text them when he's ready to go. At this rate, he might never be ready to go. I might never be ready to say goodbye.

"Jon, I love you so much! I'm scared to be on my own." I sigh.

"It's not too late for me to get a ticket. I know you say it would hinder your recovery to have me there, but I would promise to be nothing but _helpful_ Babe, _you have to know that_. I want you to get better _so badly_." He says, wiping away a tear.

"I know you would go out of your way to be helpful. I don't doubt that. It's _me_ that would be the problem if you came. I couldn't help being distracted by your presence, even if you didn't intend it that way. I need to focus, Jon. I love you for wanting to be there for me, and I'm sorry it has to be this way. I hope that one day, you can forgive me." I say, looking at the floor, unable to meet his eyes.

"You are the love of my life. You are the centre of my universe. You are my baby sister. You are my _everything_, Clarissa and I want you to _never forget that_. Whatever you do, you have your reasons. Whatever they are, I respect them and I trust you. I'm not happy about this situation, but I understand why you need your space. I promise you, that _no matter what_, I will _never_ let _anything_ come between us. Be it time or space, or any other problem. I will always be yours and you will always be mine. Please know, _how very much I love you_." He says, kissing me passionately and tasting my tears as they mix with his own. We hold each other and just cry for a few minutes and then he stands up.

"I guess I have to let you go now huh?" I say, laughing bitterly.

"Yeah, I think they just called your plane to board." He smiles.

"Okay, well I love you and I'm gonna miss you like crazy." I say, trying not to burst into tears again.

"Me too, Sweety, take care of yourself in Minnesota. And work really, _really_ hard so you can come back to me _soon_, okay? I love you Baby!" He says, kissing me one last time before I have to get in line for my plane. That's the one nice thing, because of my chair, they let Jonathan escort me right to the gate to assist me. I watch him walk away now as my eyes start to water once again.

I get in line at my gate and they board us all quickly and efficiently. We're all set to leave when they announce that the airline is required by the union to give the crew their lunch break now before we take off and we all have to deplane again so that the flight crew can eat before we leave. If _that_ isn't the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, I don't know _what _is. Anyway, by the time we are actually ready to take off it is forty five minutes past when we were supposed to leave.

I wouldn't mind running late normally, however there's no way at this point for me to get in contact with the person who's supposed to meet me when I arrive in Minnesota. I hope she has the good sense to be checking my arrival times, or else she'll end up waiting quite a while for me. My parents hired me this live-in personal assistant to drive me around to all of my appointments and help me with whatever else I need. I'll be meeting her for the first time at the airport when we land.

_Unadulterated Truth_

After transferring in Chicago (because there are no direct flights to Rochester from New York), my plane eventual lands at Rochester Municipal Airport. When I get out to the public access area where I am supposed to meet my aid, there is only some young guy there holding a sign that says _Miss Morgenstern_ on it. _That must be me but I wonder why she sent some guy to meet me _I ponder, but I wave anyway and he smiles and walks up to me.

"Hello Miss Morgenstern, I'm your personal assistant, it is a great pleasure to meet you." He smiles again and extends his hand for me to shake.

"Wait, _what_? _You can't_ be my personal assistant. _She's a woman_, I'm sure of it." I say.

"No, Miss Morgenstern, I'm afraid not._ I_ was hired by your parents. You must've just _assumed_ you were getting a woman." He assures me.

"Here, let me check the info I have, I'm supposed to be meeting one _Jace Herondale _here, what's _your_ name?" I ask.

"Ugh, you are _horribly_ mispronouncing that! No wonder you thought I was a woman. It isn't 'Jacky' like you're saying, it's pronounced 'Jay-sss' and yes, that's me alright." He smirks.

"How can _you_ be my assistant? You're probably only _my age_! Do you even _drive_?" I ask, not meaning to be a bitch, but this so wasn't what I was expecting!

"Of course I drive, let's head over to baggage and wait for your things and you can continue to berate me over there, alright?" He says.

"Look, I'm sorry, it's just that I can't understand why my parents would hire me a male assistant, I thought this was a _live-in _arrangement?" I ask, still totally perplexed.

"It is, but it's a two bedroom apartment, so there should be no problem." He says as we make our way to the baggage carousel.

"Yeah, tell that to my boyfriend back home, I'm sure he's going to be thrilled about… _oh my gosh_, I just figured it out!" I say, the pieces finally starting to click together. "_That's_ why my parents did this! They're trying to _break us up, _they _must _be! Oh, I should have known the supportive act was all a fake! Ugh this makes me so _mad_!" I huff.

"I'm sure that's not the reason, they probably hired a male in case you ever need to be lifted or want your furniture rearranged or something." He says, trying to give them the benefit of the doubt.

"Oh please, there _are_ such a thing as _strong women_! No I seriously _doubt_ this is a coincidence."

"What's so bad about your current relationship that makes you certain your parents are trying to break you up?" He asks as we locate my baggage and head out to the parking area to find his car.

"You seriously don't know, do you?" I ask, watching him for a reaction. "Well, if I tell you, you might decide you don't want this job after all."

"Try me." He says, self-assuredly. "What's the problem with your boyfriend?"

"My _boyfriend_ is also my _brother_." I say, and watch as he nearly chokes on the coffee he is trying to take a sip of.

"Wow, that's umm, _unexpected_. I, uh… oh, do you like French Vanilla, Miss Morgenstern? I ordered you a coffee; it's in your cup holder." He says, obviously deeming it best to just change the subject. He begins driving and we leave the Rochester airport, headed for my (sorry, I mean _our_)new home. _This _should be _interesting_.

_Unintentional friendship_

"And that's how we left things." I say, finishing the story of my relationship with Jonathan up to present day (minus the part of the story that not even Jon knows). Jace finally got up the courage to ask me about it after bringing my bags in and giving me a quick tour of the apartment (which is actually _very_ nice).

"Wow, that's actually really romantic." He smiles.

"Aww, you think so?" I say, not sure if he's serious.

"Yeah definitely, in one sense. Don't get me wrong, it's also _totally bizarre_, of course, but it's kinda cute, too. Like the two of you are both so madly in love you'd do anything for each other, even if the whole thing totally goes against the convention of society and seems _abnormal_ to everyone else. It's like a modern day, incestuous version of Romeo and Juliet." He grins.

"Ugh! Why does everyone hold _those two_ characters up as some sort of _model romance_? They _die _at the end of that play, Jace. _No one I know of_ actually_ aspires_ to have _that_ be the end of their _own _story. I appreciate your attempt though. And, sorry for the rant, it's just a personal pet peeve of mine." I sigh, laughing a little at myself for being melodramatic.

"Yeah, no, I get it. I mostly just meant that I'm a sucker for a good love story, especially when the star crossed lovers have to overcome insurmountable odds to be together, as it seems is the case in your particular story. So, why didn't your _hunny bunches_ come to Minnesota? You didn't really explain _that_ part." He says.

"Ah yes. That is the most complicated part. I suppose I will have to tell you though, since you'll be taking me to_ all_ of my appointments. I'm also pregnant. And Jon doesn't know." I begin and then proceed to give him the same explanation that I gave to Maia. Jace sits quietly for a moment after I finish talking.

"I see." Is all he responds with.

"And_ now_ you think I'm a horrible person." I sigh.

"I didn't say _that_. And I _do_ understand your _intentions_, your family has already suffered the loss of a child when you lost your baby sister, and you want to spare them from that again. Jonathan especially. I get it. I just, feel the need to warn you that _as a guy_, I can see the _male _perspective of this situation and I'm pretty sure that all good intentions aside, he's probably going to see this decision as a betrayal." He cautions. "I mean, usually girls only keep their pregnancies a secret from the father if they plan on cutting him out of their life. It's not too often that a girl goes away for one reason or another, keeps seeing the guy long distance, and then comes back and says 'surprise, here's our baby that I had while I was away'. I highly doubt that's gonna fly too well with him." He says.

"I know. I just can't see a way around it at this point. If he doesn't forgive me and I have to raise this child on my own, I'm prepared to do that. But I guess I'm just gonna have to take my chances. I've come far enough now that what's done is done. I trust I will be able to count on your discretion?" I ask.

"Yeah, your parents pay my salary but they have said that I work for you, not them. My instructions are to keep you happy and give you whatever you need. So your secret is safe with me. I just wanted to make sure you knew what you are getting yourself into." He sighs. "And now, you must be starving, especially since you're eating for two, so I'm going to go make us something to eat. What would you like?"

"Is _pizza_ an option?" I ask.

"Yep, we have some frozen ones in the deep freeze. I'll bake it while you get yourself unpacked. Let me know if you need help with anything, okay?" He smiles.

"Okay. Thanks, for everything, Jace." I say.

"I live to serve." He laughs and proceeds to cook a pizza, while I unpack. I open the blinds in my room and look out at the city rushing by. Maybe this time away from home will be good for me. And at least, it seems, I already have one friend here. Even if he is being paid to pay attention to me. Ha! That makes me sound _so_ lame! Oh well, at least he's _cute_. Not that I should even be _thinking_ about that. It's a little hard not to notice it though. He looks like he should be a model for Calvin Klein for crying out loud! Darned Mom and Dad. _I'm sure this was intentional_.


	8. Chapter 8

Unusual Cravings, Uneventful Weeks, Unprepared Girl

_Unusual Cravings_

"Want to do me a favor Jace?" I ask, in my nicest tone of voice, knowing he's under no obligation to cave in to my barrage of ridiculous requests but the poor guy usually does anyway (My parents must pay well.).

"Anything." He replies, which is par for the course.

"I want to make sundaes, could you please pick up the ingredients?" I ask politely.

"Sure, just write down what you want me to get." He smiles.

"Okay, thanks!" I say and begin writing my list.

Necessary Items:

- French Vanilla Ice Cream (must be the plain white kind NOT the yellow kind and NOT vanilla bean, please?)

- Powdered cheese (Like the stuff that comes in mac and cheese boxes, I'm sure you can buy it separately)

- Dill pickles (NOT the garlic kind, and Not the little ones, I want the big long skinny ones that taste like Dill)

- Butter Toffee peanuts (A big container cuz these are also for munching, not just for the sundaes)

- Chocolate fudge sauce (NOT the generic kind I want the premium one that's thick and goopy please)

- Maraschino cherries (With the stems please, a cherry without a stem is a crime against humanity)

- And lots and lots and lots of aerosol whip cream (I plan to use this on my coffee and on pie as well)

I hand him the list with a grin "There, I think that should just about do it. Oh crap! I also need K Cups, please, so write those down, but you can surprise me with the flavors for those, I'm not picky." He finishes reading the list and his eyes nearly pop out of his head at the abnormality of some of my ingredients. He shakes his head and writes down the K Cups.

"You're lucky I'm getting paid for this." He laughs and grabs his car keys. "I'll have my cell phone on me, so if you think of anything else you need, call me please. I'd rather not have to make two trips tonight like I did the last time." He smirks.

"Hey! You said the second time you went through the till the girl was a hottie! Remember, you even _thanked_ me for being forgetful and making you go back! Where's the love _now_ Jace?" I huff, exaggerating my reaction for effect.

"Ugh, pregnant women are so needy!" He laughs under his breath, as he grabs his coat and heads out the door.

"I heard that!" I call after him. Once he's gone, I make my way to the computer, thinking I'll contact Jonathan since it's been a while since I've talked to him.

I make sure to angle my webcam so that it only shows down to my shoulders. My breasts have been slightly more full and I'm also starting to show, so unfortunately Jon can't see the rest of my body anymore. He asked me once if he could see more of me and I just told him the webcam freaks me out but that I would have phone sex, without using the camera and that seems to pacify him. Pretty soon, I have his sexy face looking at me and he looks so happy to see me.

"I love you, Sweetheart! I miss you like crazy!" He grins.

"I love you Jonathan. I miss you too! How are things back home?" I ask.

"Pretty great except for that I'm missing you of course. I know what the Rents plan on getting me for my birthday coming up. It's a sea kayaking day trip, so I'm pretty excited about that." He smiles.

"Oooh, that sounds awesome! I'm going to be mailing you your present and I might send it early, just to be sure you have it in time. So, if it comes before your b-day, you have to wait to open it, alright?" I say mischievously, knowing that the wait will drive him absolutely crazy.

"No fair! I think I should be able to open it as soon as it gets here. I already have to wait eons for you to come back to me and now you want to make me wait for my present too?" He pouts. Jonathan has taken to resorting to the occasional guilt trip regarding my absence. I know he misses me, so I've been doing my best to ignore them, but it still hurts a little. If it wasn't for everything I'm going through right now, there's no place I'd rather be than back home in his arms. With that said, I need to be here focusing on my recovery and learning how to balance my SCI and this pregnancy so that everything runs smoothly.

"Yeah, well, the package is set to self-destruct if it's opened prematurely." I laugh.

"Drat!" He sighs, his eyes glinting with playfulness.

"Yep, sorry Jon, I guess you'll just have to bide your time." I say. "But I promise you it'll be worth it."

"Story of my life, baby Sister. I'm forever biding my time waiting for something that's worth it." He winks.

"Aww, you think I'm worth it?" I gush.

"Nope_, I know_ you're worth it, Clary. I love you." He nods.

"I love you, _so much_, Jon." I say, trying not to cry. "I'll call you on the phone tomorrow and we can get kinky." I laugh instead.

"Mmm, I like the way you think Clarissa." He says, managing to make my name sound like a naughty word.

"Have a good night, Babe." I say softly. "And dream of me."

"I always do, honey. I always do." And with that, we disconnect the call. I make my way to the kitchen for a drink of water and by the time I'm done, Jace is back. He brings the groceries in and I help to put them away.

"They didn't have your stupid cheese powder stuff, so I bought a case of KD, so you can use the little pouches from there and then I can just make a pasta salad sometime with the noodles. However, I don't know if being pregnant is really a good enough excuse for putting cheese and pickles on your ice cream sundae but hey, that's just me." He grins.

"Yeah well, you already know I'm a weird person." I say.

"Do you mean for your ice cream toppings or for dating your brother?" He teases.

"Probably a bit of both." I laugh.

"How did your call go, by the way?" He asks.

"What makes you think I called Jon while you were out?" I say indignantly.

"You _always_ call Jon while I'm out and _only _when I'm out, Clary. He doesn't know I live here, does he?"

"Well, he knows I have a personal assistant living with me. He's just never inquired as to the _gender_ of said assistant and I've never offered that information. What's the point in going out of my way to make him jealous when there is nothing for him to be jealous over, right?" I sigh. This web of lies is suffocating me, of course. But now that I've made my bed, I have to lie in it.

"Yeah… right." Jace says.

_Uneventful Weeks_

I end up having so many appointments to go to, between doctor's appointments for my pregnancy and for my SCI as well as physio and some other holistic therapy stuff as well. I find myself drowning in a sea of appointments and paperwork and I'm even starting prenatal classes soon and it's just all so much! I've been using my down time to completely vegetate whenever I get the chance, which isn't nearly as often as I like. Thankfully, Jace gets paid to humor me, so I'm able to pass my boredom easily with his help.

We play all kinds of video games, since I don't feel like doing much else, when I'm not doing my exercises. So our days are filled with girly games like Harvest Moon, The Sims, Super Monkey Ball, and Singstar. Although I do break down and let him convince me to play X-men Legends, which is far less girly than some of the others but surprisingly fun. Of course, I play all of the girly characters when we do so I guess that counts.

Jace must take his job very seriously because he never has friends over and always just hangs out with me. Sometimes when I'm having a good day, we go to the movies or something since the theater nearby is handicap accessible. Speaking of which, my doctors and therapists (who are all at the top in their respective fields) have set a goal for me for my recovery. They say that as long as there are no complications with the pregnancy and I continue to put in the kind of effort I have been, they can foresee me walking unassisted in three or four years!

I know, I know, that sounds like a horribly long time yet, but if it's theoretically going to take three or four years for me to be walking completely unassisted, then I could be taking my first steps in about half that time I would think. Which lines up perfectly, because the pediatrician I spoke with said that from the time the baby is born, it should take less than two years to figure out if there are any developmental effects resulting from our shared genomes.

So, it looks like in two years' time I might be going home to Jon with our little toddler and a pair of working legs. That is, if he forgives me for deceiving him. But I have to look on the bright side. After all, the thought of being back in my brother's arms is what has been motivating me to work hard. If I allow myself to dwell on the fact that it might not happen that way, I'll be shooting myself in the proverbial foot.

Anyway, eventually Jace says to me those magic words every girl wants to hear. 'Let's go shopping!' And so, we do. My doctors think that I will be able to carry to term as long as I remain healthy and so for the first time, I've allowed myself to picture having this baby and not losing it. So that means I need baby stuff. We hit one of those fancy boutiques for babies and buy a matching set of Alice in Wonderland baby gear. I'm supposed to be having a girl, although they say it's not guaranteed that it will be. So I decided I want stuff that's unique and a little bit girly but not too much pink.

This style is great cuz they are mostly black with pink accents. So we get a play yard, a stroller, a car seat and a little folding seat with soothing music and vibration and toys hanging from it. We continue with the black and pink theme for the nursery and pick up an adorable bedding set and this great furniture set with a sort of antique look to it. Also, a lady there tells me to look online for baby dresses on a site called Nancy August so when we get home with all our purchases, I proceed to set up an account on their sight and add a whole bunch of dresses to 'my shopping bag' so that once she arrives I can order it all and receive it right away.

And of course a few weeks later, since I'm getting as big as a house now, we have to go shopping again so I can buy more clothes that actually fit me. "I'm so fat! Ugh, I'm like Shamu!" I exclaim, coming out of the changing room in a grey angora sweater and maternity jeans. "This weight gain can't be all from the baby! And that means I'm going to have a ton of weight to lose afterwards!" I sigh.

"Relax, Clary you look gorgeous. Stop complaining, you've been exercising and you've been eating healthy for most of your meals. There's nothing more you can do except cross that bridge when you come to it. You're _supposed_ to gain weight when you're pregnant. And if you have some to lose after the baby is born, so be it. You'll tackle it head on when the time comes, just as you've tackled your pregnancy and your injury, alright?" Jace smiles encouragingly.

"Yeah, thank you. You're right I suppose, as usual. Why do you have to be so stinkin' smart all the time?" I huff.

"Because I'm just that good, now come on, let's go ring all your purchases through, so we can go get some frozen yogurt, okay?" He grins.

"Fine, I guess ten new outfits are enough, since I only have two more months left anyway." I smile, happy that I don't have that long to wait anymore to meet the new addition. I've been stressing out about names lately because I wish I knew what Jon would want our child's name to be so that we are both happy about the decision. But how do I ask him something like that without him figuring it out? Ugh, this is all so hard. I can't wait until I am back at home and my life is back to normal.

_Unprepared Girl_

"What do you want to do tonight?" Jace asks me one night, after my eight and a half month pregnant self, gets back from the bathroom for like the one millionth time. Except this time was a bit different and there is only one thing I want to do right now.

"Oh I dunno, how about go to the hospital?" I remark casually.

"Okay yeah we could… wait. What did you just say!?" He realizes with a panic.

"Yeah, I think I've started to go into labor." I grin.

"Holy crow!" He yells. "I'll get the car."

* * *

><p>And so at 3:15 the following morning, after much hard work, a beautiful, healthy, little girl is born. I am going to call her Adele Seraphina. Because when I finally had a chance to talk to Jonathan about what he would hypothetically name his daughter; that was the name he suggested. I never would have thought one tiny little angel could be so beautiful. Her skin is so soft and she looks completely peaceful when she's sleeping. Jace was there for me through everything, the whole ordeal. I guess he and I are best friends now, because there's no way that my parents have paid him nearly enough for everything he's done for me. I have to believe it's because he genuinely considers me a friend.<p>

And if I didn't believe it before, I sure do now. When Adele was born, Jace actually cried. Although I'm sure if you ask him about it later on he will totally deny it. I'm still in disbelief that she's healthy. It's so much more than I ever could have dreamed possible. I wish I could tell Jonathan. I know the scariest part is over now that she's here and she's healthy and I can see her with my own two eyes. But I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop. I mean, with our sister Valentina, they knew right away that she wasn't gonna make it, so I suppose I should be relieved that they're saying she's healthy, I just can't wrap my head around it, I guess.

Jace is sitting in the rocking chair in my hospital room holding Adele right now and I'm supposed to be trying to rest. It's just so hard because I have all these thoughts swimming around in my head. And she is like three weeks early and she's so tiny. She only weighs 5 lbs, 6 oz. She's so little I just find it hard to believe that she can be healthy. I'm counting my blessings and silent tears of joy keep sneaking down my cheeks but yet a part of me still can't believe it.

And then too, I keep thinking, am I even ready for this? I was supposed to still have a few weeks to prepare and now I don't and I'm just shaking with nerves at the thought that I'm actually a mom now. And it's barely even sinking in that the tiny bundle in Jace's arms is my own little Adele. I am just so grateful that she's here and she's well.

I decide to sing her a lullaby thinking that it will not only soothe my baby girl to sleep but possibly also help me to sleep as well. So, my little angel and I both drift off to the sound of my promises as I tell her all about the diamond ring and the looking glass and the billy goat and the other wonderful things that she will have.

And as I lay here reflecting on the last year of my life, I wonder how many of the choices I've made have been good ones. I think about my decision to be with Jonathan. I think about my injury. I think about my recovery and my decision to come to Rochester. I think about my decision to keep all of this from Jon. I even think about my friendship with Jace. Soon sleep takes me and I don't think any more about these things for now. I wonder if it's even possible to know what will come of my choices. Maybe I won't know the answer to that for many, many years.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Sorry about the time skips. I just didn't want to take too long dealing with the pregnancy. Thought you all might be anxious to meet Adele =) Welcome to the world little Miss Morgenstern!<strong>


	9. Chapter 9

Unfamiliar Territory, Unimaginable Relief, Unwritten Rules

_Unfamiliar Territory_

When we got Adele home from the hospital, things were hard. There were times I didn't know what she needed. There were also times when the chair became a bit of an issue, although there were also times the chair made things easier. But the most frustrating times, were the times when Jace knew what she needed and I didn't. And even worse were the times that he could calm her down and I couldn't. It was so stressful to know there were things I needed his help with.

I shouldn't need his help. I'm supposed to be doing this as a single mom until Jon is back in the picture. I mean, how do all the other single moms in the world do this? Oh yeah, they have a support system of some sort. Which for me I guess, for right now, is Jace. So I suppose I just have to concede the point and let him help me.

A couple of weeks after Adele's birth, she is taking a particularly long nap and so Jace asks me to play Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories with him. We play for a couple of hours and eventually the sound of a little cry from the other room breaks into our consciousness. And at first I wonder what the sound is and I think to myself that it sounds like a baby. Then I realize it _is_ a baby. And then, with a sinking feeling that is equal parts joy and fear, I remember that it is _my_ baby. _Oh boy, that's right. I'm a mom now._

I look at Jace and he looks at me and I realize that for a moment in time, we both forgot. Forgot about the baby. Forgot about the responsibility lying in the next room and as the crying intensifies, we both snap out of it and at the exact same time say "I'll get her." He steps back and lets me go and then it's back to business as usual. I calm the baby down and I sing her a lullaby and she goes back to sleep because, well that's what newborns do.

"Want to play some more?" Jace asks when I come back in.

"No, I don't think I better. It's too easy to zone out." I sigh.

"Yeah, yeah your right." He says."Want to go get me a cold pop?"

"Psh! Ain't nobody got time for that!" I giggle. And just like that the tension is gone.

_Unimaginable Relief_

So eventually it was time for the dreaded six week check when they would tell me how healthy I and my baby are. This is the appointment I've been most worried about. At all the other check-ups they've been looking at the basics, but this would be a full exam for both Adele and I, and they will let me know if they think there is anything wrong with her.

I'm petrified that they _will _find something and I can't help dwelling on it. Jace keeps trying to distract me with other things like video games and we even picked up a Foosball table to play when Adele is napping. It has helped a bit but I still can't stop worrying.

On the bright side, my recovery is going like gangbusters! I've been doing so well that they want me to start attempting to stand under my own power in a couple of months! It's wonderful to be making such good progress and I am glad that there is at least one part of my life that I don't have to worry about.

* * *

><p>"What's up Buttercup?" Jace asks me one day.<p>

"Just stressin' that's all." I sigh.

"Don't worry Sweety, you and Adele are gonna do fine. Look at her, Clary! She's healthy. You _know _she is!" He says, trying his best to reassure me.

"Yeah, I mean logically you're probably right, but that doesn't help me on the emotional front. It's one thing to know that I have no _reason _to worry. It's another thing entirely to be able to stop worrying, Jace." I sigh.

"Would a back rub help?" He asks, tentatively.

I sigh. Even though that sounds really good right now, and I know he's asking as a friend, it's already weird with us living together and Jon not knowing about it, a back rub would seem too much like cheating to me.

"Thanks anyway, Jace but we better not." I say, defeatedly.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." He says and drops the subject.

* * *

><p>When the fateful day of the dreaded Dr.'s appointment finally comes, I clutch Adele nervously in my lap, holding her like a lifeline as Jace gets the doors for us into the building. When we get out of the elevator on the appropriate floor, I send up a little prayer that the news will be good news.<p>

"Hi we're here for Clarissa Morgenstern's appointment please." Jace tells the reception desk as I wheel Adele and I into the waiting area.

"Thank you, you may take a seat, the Dr. should be out to collect mom and baby in a minute." The perky blonde receptionist says. "Are you the proud Daddy?" She asks, although I personally don't understand how that's any of her business. Yet Jace puts on his million dollar smile to answer her nosy ass anyway.

"No, I'm just Miss Morgenstern's Personal Assistant." He says with a smile, obviously proud of his role in our lives.

"Oh, well in that case, can I give you my number?" She asks, popping her gum obnoxiously and batting her obviously fake eyelashes at him.

"Sure thing Doll." He smirks, taking the offered slip of paper when she hands it to him. "Thanks." He smiles into her blue eyes.

"Don't thank me til you call it!" She winks playfully. To which I almost lose my lunch. I don't know why their little interaction bothers me. I'm with Jon, not Jace. What right do I have to be jealous?

It must just be because he lives with me and the idea of him bringing a bimbo like that into my home where my daughter lives is a highly disturbing prospect. _Yeah, that's gotta be it._

* * *

><p>"Well Clary, it looks like everything checks out." Dr. Pontmercy said. "You and Adele are both in perfect health, aside from your SCI of course, and your progress has been great with that. I think it's safe to book your next check-up around Adele's four month mark. You can book it at the front desk on your way out and we shall see you then." He smiles.<p>

I practically jump for joy as I gather up all of our belongings and get us both ready to leave. "Did you hear that Sweety, you and Mama are doing just fine!" I coo. Adele just looks at me with her big bright eyes and makes little noises. "I know, I know, let's get outta here. Jace is waiting and Mama wants to go for Sundaes to celebrate. As soon as Jace sees us he stands, looking anxious to hear how it went. I nod, that everything's okay.

He looks visibly relieved and comes to stand with us while I book our next appointment. "So, clean bill of health?" He asks hopefully as we make our way to the elevator.

"Yep, _for both of us_, Jace! The Dr. said my baby girl is just fine!" I say, my eyes welling up with tears.

"Thank God!" He grins. And as we all make our way into the elevator, I think how right he is. _Thank God!_

_Unwritten Rules_

In the days, weeks and even months that pass, Jace is an amazing help to me. With my recovery and daily aid as well as with Adele, but a huge part of how he helps me, is knowing when_ not_ to help. He understands his role so well. He never oversteps. He is there when I need him, yet he makes himself scarce when I don't. He is never needy or clingy. It's almost as if he doesn't have personal needs of his own. I know that's ridiculous, but sometimes it feels that way.

One day, when we were preparing for Adele's first birthday, which was to be a quiet celebration at home, followed by a trip to the park with Adele's baby group and the other mothers, I ask him why that is. "Jace, you seem like you never need anything and you never take personal time or days off or anything and you're never sick. I just don't get it. How is that? Are you like a cyborg or something?" I smile, in awe of his dedication.

"Boot Camp." He states. "I spent several years in Boot Camp. There is no down time. When they say jump you say how high? When then say wake up there is no snooze button. And there are definitely no sick days and no feeling sorry for yourself. They tell you what needs to be done and then you do it. Immediately, with no questions asked. There are a gazillion unwritten rules that you are expected to follow and if you don't, the punishment is severe. So you might say I was trained to be always on. Always, alert. Always ready to work, always prepared. Yeah, I owe it all to Boot Camp." He grins.

"Wow, I could never handle that! I suck at following orders and I need my beauty rest. Plus I'll bet they didn't give you any ice cream. I'd be completely lost without ice cream!" I laugh.

"Really? I hadn't guessed _any _of that about you!" He winks. "Frankly, I'm surprised!" He teases.

"Yeah, yeah, smarty pants!" I pout. "I do okay!" I assure him.

"You sure do, Clary. You sure do." He smiles in all sincerity. And we go back to planning the menu and shopping lists.

As I think about what he said, I realize that I owe it all to Boot Camp too. Because I have no idea how I would have managed any of this without Jace.


End file.
